I’m Mark Bullock, 38 and all my life I’ve battled with my weight. 

Now that I’m older and wiser, you’d think making the right choices would be easy wouldn’t you? Yet, despite the warnings from the doctors, the embarrassment of photos in an age where they’re everywhere, the lack of decent clothes due to my size and the struggle to feel good about myself – I continue to make poor decisions that will have a long lasting impact on my health. 

As a nation, we’re hurtling towards being an obese nation (we may even already be there) and I’d like to share my story in the hope that, even if I’m not listening to myself sometimes, it might encourage others struggling to reach out, seek some help and try make some improvements to their life for the better.

As a youngster, my parents quickly blamed my Nana & Grandad for me being overweight & greedy, I suppose the free access to unlimited biscuits every weekend definitely did not help, these were kept in the fridge and to this day I struggle with opening the fridge as soon as I walk through the door / enter the kitchen, even if I’m not actually hungry or there’s anything in there!

We also had frequent weekend trips to Gregg’s where, if I recall correctly, a Sausage roll and an Iced Finger (filled with cream) was my usual, all before 10am as well! 

As with most grandparents, they generally spoilt me when they could, that very much included wanting for nothing food wise.

At home, my Mam made the effort to hide the treats but ultimately, I’d find them more often than not, especially when left to my own devices.

Regular trips to the local shop unmonitored too, often with 50p or £1 in my pocket, buying crisps, sweets, chocolate and pop unchallenged and unaware of the impact it would have again, allowed me to develop another habit that I still struggle with today, passing the shop without going in and buying something ‘nice’.

A combination of the above has helped develop a love for sugar (biscuits, cake & chocolate), I managed to cut alcohol from my diet at a relatively young age but when i do, the sweeter the better in what I will drink. My intake of ‘far too much sugar’ often occurs late at night, impacts my sleep and despite knowing this, any time I go a few days without, I crave it, too weak to resist, mentally unable to say ‘no’ more often than not: I feel addicted.

Furthermore, I have a lack of self control when it comes to volume of food, meaning I rarely feel satisfied despite eating way more than the average human should and a lot more than I ought to.

Next up is convenience, saving the ‘hassle’ using my time to do other things, sometimes totally trivial rather than bothering to make an effort to cook (even though I had an interest at school). The mention of the word takeaway and no matter how much I want / try to say no, again, my mindset often defaults to ‘aye, let’s get one’ because it’s easier.

All of these things combined means I think I need to be in the perfect headspace to avoid and let’s be honest, how many of us are in that on the daily?

Overweight people are often pre judged as lazy, I’ve heard people in the work environment say “I’d never employ fat people they’re just lazy”. 

For what it’s worth, I actually don’t disagree completely with the judgement made, I can at least understand why people think it but there’s way more to it for a lot of us and I think simply branding someone lazy just because their relationship with food is poor, is ironically ‘lazy’ and a tad judgemental.

I am happy to admit, I’m definitely lazy in some aspects to do with food, particularly when it comes to things like preparing meals and cooking, sometimes I can go well for a period of time and get into good habits but equally, when it comes to food, I’ve been unable to permanently break those bad habits that seem to stem back to my childhood.

As someone who has worked full time for 20 years now, had 3 jobs at one point, started ‘working’ at 11 years of age, for nearly 18 years, running a football club whilst managing up to 4 teams in a season and contributing to a cricket club for the last 10 year as a starting point, I feel I’m well within my right to completely dispel that laziness is a big factor here and make a case that it’s actually a total lack of self care, prioritising anything but my own health, that leaves me in this position.

It hasn’t always been bad, there’s been positive times, times where I have felt great mentally and physically and looked better physically.

During lockdown when everything else stopped, suddenly I was eating well, exercising when we were allowed and got myself into the right frame of mind with regards to my lifestyle. 

I maintained one of the lightest weights I’ve ever recorded as an adult and become the fittest I’d been in years. I’ve participated in some parkruns (I hate running) and got back playing football regularly too until a torn meniscus in November 2021 brought an end to my playing days.

It’s not a difficult equation for any of us, more exercise + better foods = better mental health, mine improved 10 fold during this time, the feeling after exercise is how we should all wish to feel more often.

Sadly, the end of lockdown, followed by my dodgy knee and the return to ‘my normal’ has saw me gain weight and stop a lot of the good I was doing, although not back to my biggest, I’m also a far cry from my best again! 

What is absolutely the case is, this is now on me, I need to make better decisions, things like the injury cannot be allowed to be an excuse.

When I step back and assess what I get wrong, It’s fair to say that one of my drivers is to please people, by doing what I can for them. In my head, I don’t consciously do this but categorically, I put my own self care near the bottom of my own priorities, I need to be more selfish in this area and sharp if I’m to turn this around.

I’m sure you’re familiar with some of these…
‘Ah it’s so miserable outside, should we just order a takeaway’
‘What an awful day, I’m fed up, let’s just order something in’
‘I’m knackered, cannot be bothered, should we just order in?’

All thoughts I’m sure a number of us have, even the healthier amongst us, you can even act upon them from time to time if you’re living a balanced lifestyle but for someone like myself, this can escalate, 4 takeaways in 7 days for example, walking to the shop everyday to buy chocolate etc.

It’s not all based on negativity either; equally…
“What a great day, let’s finish by having something ‘nice’?”
“What a win today, let’s celebrate with a takeaway”

Literally, whether my mood is up or down; it more often or not, it ends with poor food choices.

Whatever the reason for my habits, as I’ve got older, the advice I’ve had, the podcasts I’ve listened too and the threads I’ve read has led me to one positive place, that it’s on me and me alone to make things better – I’ll get nowhere blaming my past or others (those of you who live with someone else might also feel some pressure to agree when that person wants a takeaway etc.), ultimately, we have to be accountable for our own actions and the sooner we are, the quicker we’ll be able to improve, I’ve seen it first hand.

Sadly, it’s incredibly easy to get into a rut! You start exercising then miss a few days and stop or eat badly and claim ‘diet starts Monday’ this is a red flag for a poor mindset, I can vouch for this.

A diet is a myth, it’s a lifestyle change that’s required, permanent / long lasting changes for the better, easier said than done of course.

I don’t have any magic solutions, I’m still very much fighting my own battles and I understand no matter how happy your exterior appears to your friends and family, that deep down inside, you could be fighting a harder battle than anyone realises in your head.

Some of the things I’ve found during that time that have improved my mindset are:

1. A first trip to the gym in a long time
2. walking a mile a day (then increasing)
3. cutting out 600 calories from what you eat per day
4. Listening to motivational podcasts
5. Writing down my weight and recording what I eat 

There are things that have worked for me, we’re all different so find the things that work for you but it’s not too late and why wait until Monday….

Daily sunlight is linked to better mental health so that walk will have as much of a mental impact as it will a physical one, you’ll soon notice an increase in your mood and your energy levels.

There’s help out there, if you don’t know where to start, maybe you aren’t sure why the efforts you feel you are making don’t seem to be working or you simply cannot make small steps / keep relapsing like I do, reach out to your doctor, try and talk to your partner if you have one, consider counselling, ask your friends what they do / how they do it, find a gym buddy…

Whatever it is, please try something, keep trying, it’s time for us to stop hiding it and suffering in silence – please speak out.

Thanks,
Mark